Art Journaling through Lent – FINAL WEEK – KINTSUGI

Hard to believe we were at our last week for lent! We ended up meeting AFTER Easter – due to crazy schedules – but a cool way to bring closure to Lent – after celebrating Easter in it’s entirety.

For our final week, the word theme was – KINTSUGI

Not a typo

I recently heard a sermon about this art form – and thought it would be a great way to center around Christ’s resurrection and new life Easter brings us.

In a brief summary – it’s a Japanese art form of fixing broken pottery. Instead of throwing the broken pottery away – lacquer dusted/mixed with gold is used to bond the pieces together. In a way – accenting the brokenness – viewing the cracks and repair as an important part of the history of that piece of pottery. Rather than trying to hide/disguise the broken pieces, they are treated as valuable and beautiful. And through intricate and delicate repair –the broken pottery is made stronger and increases in value.

Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who His children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, to, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saves. If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.   And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For, example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all the hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. (Romans 8:18-28)

I find such hope in knowing that the areas of my life that have been broken or the disappointments I’ve had – they aren’t something I need to hide or disguise. But I can rest in the fact that God will bring good.

I asked everyone to bring in a larg-ish picture. It can be from a magazine, an actual photo, or even printed from an image you found on Flickr. Any type of picture will work – the hope was to ‘break’ it apart and use a ‘art journaling’ kintsugi method of repairing it. So the bigger the picture – the more the visual would probably work.  I also suggested bringing in any verses that have been ‘go-to’ verses when things are confusing, or needing to be reminded of God’s strength and goodness.

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So with this page – I found a picture that had a tree by a stream of water.  The tree could either be in the spring – getting ready to bloom – or the fall.  But loved the imagery of the tree pulling it’s resources from the river – He leads me beside still waters…

Here was my final page.  The art form of kintsugi really spoke to my heart.  Finding beauty in brokenness.  Looking back to see the areas of brokenness in my life and seeing how God has mended and made me stronger through the process of moving forward – stepping out of the dark and into the light.  Value coming from hard times.  While in the moment I had no clue what the point of it was- hindsight allows me to see blessings that emerged – and they only were able to emerge because of those hard times.  Don’t get me wrong – I don’t wish to go back – but how amazing is it to serve a God that is able to turn broken, messy lives upside down and make them worthy and beautiful.

So the Art Journaling experiment has come to a close.  We will still be meeting every other week – and I’m excited to see what happens as that continues.  But so incredibly grateful for what God showed me in the process of it all.  Don’t really have any ‘framers’ of the pages I did – but the truths that emerged from creating the pages will forever be cherished in my heart.

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Thank you, Abba, Father, for this beautiful, grace-filled, community rich, hope giving process to walk through Lent.  May I not forget the truths You showed me through my own art and through other’s art.  And may I continue to approach You with open hands and heart – allowing You to speak freely to my heart and soul.  Thank you for being a God who walks with us, helps open our eyes to see the beauty You bring, and gives us things, like art, to learn more about you.  Amen.  

Art Journaling through Lent: Week 5 – FINISHED

Really behind on posting – so will do the remaining weeks today.  The study was an amazing experience – and excited to see how it grows and morphs as we continue to meet.

It’s a little hard to go through a ‘lent’ study and not focus on the Cross – meditate on what Christ has done for me. So this week’s theme –FINISHED

The word finish, said by Jesus, appears twice in the New Testament in John 19:28 and John 19:30 –

Jesus knew that his mission was now finished, and to fulfill Scripture he said, “I am thirsty.”  A jar of sour wine was sitting there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put it on a hyssop branch, and held it up to his lips. When Jesus had tasted it, he said, “It is finished!” Then he bowed his head and released his spirit.

Finished, pulled from one the Jesus’ most important statements, can be translated from the Greek word, tetelestai. Yay, words again! J This word is a perfect passive indicative. The perfect tense indicates that an action has been completed, but the focus is on the present consequences of that action. The passive voice indicates that the subject (Jesus) was acted upon. And the indicative mood indicates a statement of fact or action that has occurred from the person making the statement – ie Jesus.

I think what stood out to me in the brief word study J is the fact that the focus isn’t on what Jesus did when He made the statement – it’s what His action is still doing TODAY!

Here are just a few verses that show what a tiny bit of the “it” Jesus “finished’.

“Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose. (Matthew 5:17).

 For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will. (John 6:38).

I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark. I will not judge those who hear me but don’t obey me, for I have come to save the world and not to judge it. But all who reject me and my message will be judged on the day of judgment by the truth I have spoken. (John 12:46-48).

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’” (John 14:6)

But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses and the prophets long ago. We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.  For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God freely and graciously declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus. (Romans 3:21-26) 

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
Instead, he gave up his divine privileges
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
and gave him the name above all other names,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord (Phil 2:5-11) 

So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

A challenge, for me, when looking at the cross – and living out my life – is letting go of the idea that I can help finish it; that I can ‘add’ to what Christ has already done.

Which brings me to a quote I came across a few days ago:

“Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness.”   -David Augsburger

The focus for that Thursday was on the crucifixion. What has Christ done for you? How are you still trying to ‘save’ yourself? What areas are you still trying to control that He may want for you to let go?

I’ll leave with another quote that sums that concept up better:

Good Friday is the day when you can do nothing. Bewailing and lamenting your manifold sins does not in itself make up for them. Scouring your soul in a frenzy of spring cleaning only sterilizes it; it does not give it life. On Good Friday, finally, we are all, mourners and mockers alike, reduced to the same impotence. Someone else is doing the terrible work that gives life to the world. – Virginia Stem Owens

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In the reading I gave out that week – there was a line that really stood out to me:

The secret of deliverance is not to do, but to rest on what on what God has done.  – Watchman Nee

Not really sure the direction I would take – I thought colors to signify the crucifixion were black, gray and red.  What was interesting in mixing those colors – is that a purple tone started to appear – almost symbolic of the royalty of Christ – as he allowed himself to be sacrificed to give us life.  His sacrifice gave me the ability to rest on what He did – not what I could do.  Again – It’s amazing to see what God can show me in just the process of art journaling – if I simply approach it with an open heart and mind.

Here’s the page for week 5:

Next week: KINTSUGI… 

Art Journaling through Lent: Week 4 – 6 Words

Week 4 Theme – 6 WORDS

This week I took a really different approach.  I was uninspired and clueless as to what medium or theme to focus on.  But also excited to see where God would lead, so  just waited on His prompting.  During the week, through an email I received, I stumbled across a book by John Ortberg called –  All The Places to Go . . . How Will You Know?   Below is an excerpt from the book that I decided to use as the ‘reading’ for the night –

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If you had to summarize your life in six words, what would they be?

Several years ago an online magazine asked that question. It was inspired by a possibly legendary challenge posed to Ernest Hemingway to write a six-word story that resulted in the classic “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.  The magazine was flooded with so many responses that the site almost crashed, and the responses were eventually turned into a book. Not Quite What I Was Planning is filled with six-word memoirs by writers “famous and obscure.” The memoirs range from funny to ironic to inspiring to heartbreaking:

• “One tooth, one cavity; life’s cruel.”
• “Savior complex makes for many disappointments.”
• “Cursed with cancer. Blessed with friends.” (This one was written not by a wise old grandmother but by a nine-year-old boy with thyroid cancer.)
• “The psychic said I’d be richer.” (Actually, this author might be richer if she stopped blowing money on psychics.)
• “Tombstone won’t say: ‘Had health insurance.’”
• “Not a good Christian, but trying.”
• “Thought I would have more impact.”

The challenge of the six-word limitation is its demand to focus on what matters most, to capture briefly something of significance. 

It is striking to think about what the characters of Scripture might write for their six-word memoirs.

I think they would revolve around the intersection of the story of that person’s life with God’s story. They would all be inspired by a divine opportunity that God had set before them, and the response—the yes or no—that shaped their lives.

• Abraham: “Left Ur. Had baby. Still laughing.”
• Jonah: “‘No.’ Storm. Overboard. Whale. Regurgitated. ‘Yes.’”
• Moses: “Burning bush. Stone tablets. Charlton Heston.”
• Adam: “Eyes opened, but can’t find home.”
• Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: “King was hot. Furnace was not.”
• Noah: “Hated the rain, loved the rainbow.”
• Esau: “At least the stew was good.”
• Esther: “Eye candy. Mordecai handy. Israel dandy.”
• Mary: “Manger. Pain. Joy. Cross. Pain. Joy.”
• Prodigal Son: “Bad. Sad. Dad glad. Brother mad.”
• Rich Young Ruler: “Jesus called. Left sad. Still rich.”
• Zacchaeus: “Climbed sycamore tree. Short, poorer, happier.”
• Woman caught in adultery: “Picked up man, put down stones.”
• Good Samaritan: “I came, I saw, I stopped.”
• Paul: “Damascus. Blind. Suffer. Write. Change world.”

“Not quite what I was planning” is the six-word memoir any of them could have written.  In none of these cases would these characters have been able to predict where their lives would take them.  They were interrupted. They were offered an opportunity or threatened by danger or both. This is how life works.  We are neither the authors nor the pawns of our life stories but rather partners somehow with fate or destiny or circumstance or providence. And the writers of Scripture insist that, at least sometimes, in at least some lives—in any lives where the person is willing—that unseen Partner can be God.

Often in the Bible these opportunities seem to come in unmistakable packages. A burning bush. A wrestling angel. Handwriting on the wall. A fleece. A voice. A dream. A talking donkey like in Shrek.

But there is another picture of God-inspired opportunity sprinkled across Scripture that is easier for me to relate to.  It is a picture of divine possibility that still comes to every life. It is a picture I have loved since my college professor Jerry Hawthorne introduced it to me:

To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: “These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.” (Revelation 3:7-8)

A door, Dr. Hawthorne said, is one of the richest images in literature. It can mean safety (“my door is chained and locked”) or hiddenness (“no one knows what goes on behind closed doors”).  It can mean rejection (“she shut the door in my face”) or rest (young mothers’ favorite room is the bathroom, where they can close the door and be alone).

But in this passage a door means none of those things.  Rather, it is an open door, symbolic of “boundless opportunities. Of unlimited chances to do something worthwhile; of grand openings into new and unknown adventures of significant living; of heretofore unimagined chances to do good, to make our lives count for eternity.”

An open door is the great adventure of life because it means the possibility of being useful to God.  The offer of it, and our response to it, is what lies ahead for each one of us.

“I know that your strength is small,” God says to the church at Philadelphia.  People in the church may not have been hugely flattered when they read that line.  But what a gift to know that open doors are not reserved for the especially talented or the extraordinarily strong.  God can open a door for anyone.

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The challenge for Week 4 – come up with SIX words.  To pull from what Ortberg says: The challenge of the six-word limitation is its demand to focus on what matters most, to capture briefly something of significance.   Here are some possible options – to open up the focus:

• What has this season of Lent been for you – or meant to you?
• What is God teaching you at the moment?
• Your life summed up – at this point in time – in 6 words
• What’s on your heart – at this moment?
• Any other theme I may be forgetting – but something you would like to put in 6 words

In addition to that challenge – I decided to narrow down the options of colors – just as the words used were narrowed down.  I randomly gave each person a single color from ROYGBV to use for the night, taking it as far as they could go.  For example – if someone’s color was orange – they could use variations of orange; red-orange or yellow-orange, but nothing blatantly yellow or red , since someone else would have either of those colors.  At the end of the night, we put all the pages together in a circle to see the colors comes together.

All the “pages” from week 4 put together at the end of the night…

It was amazing and humbling to see;  not only the colors all blending together beautifully, but as each woman shared her ‘6 words’, we were all able to relate, to some degree.  The imagery of the colors and words coming together was a stunning display of unity and community throughdifferences.  We all have our struggles and joys.  We all have our stories.  Put together – they create a magnificent rainbow of colors.  It would be odd if the ‘green’ story was missing.  It’s a vital and integral part of the whole circle.

Didn’t know what to expect with the theme and ‘medium’ focus – but was humbled by the results.  There are 2 weeks left for the Art Journaling Through Lent – and it’s been such a joy to see God present and moving each time we meet.  Excited to see what the next 2 weeks will reveal!

My Week 4 ‘journal page’ – with my 6 words – JUST ENOUGH LIGHT FOR THE PATH

 Up next – Week 5 theme – FINISHED… 

Art Journaling through Lent: Week 3 – Passion

A little late in posting – but here is what we did for week 3.

Week 3: PASSION

If you can’t tell already, I love word definitions, origins, etc. I love seeing where words come from – learning the depths of what they really mean. I apologize, in advance, for my geeking out in that way – I blame it on words being a love language.

Paschó (pas’-kho) – verb – Including the forms patho (path’-o), and pentho (pen’-tho), used only in certain tenses for it apparently a primary verb; to experience a sensation or impression (usually painful) — feel, passion, suffer, vex. I am acted upon in a certain way, either good or bad; I experience ill treatment, suffer.   The Lord has privileged us to have great capacity for feeling (passion, emotion, affections, suffering). Inherent because all people are created in the divine image. For example: How Jesus, in His perfect (sinless) humanity, keenly felt.

“Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say?  ‘Father, save me from this hour?’ No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.” – John 12:27

Christ’s source of passion was His intense love for us – displayed through His commitment to follow-through by making Himself nothing to be a sacrifice for all that we have and will do. From the Message:

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion. – Phil 2:5-8

This is where the limitations of the English language seem to get in the way. The meaning of passion, at least for me, tends to center around love, desire – good, intense, or positive feelings. Maybe selfish or used wrongly – but nothing like what the Greek translation is.

This week we will be worked on creating ‘blank’ art journal pages so that we could write in them during the week(s).  I handed out a few extra readings to have throughout the week to read/pray/meditate on.

But here are a few questions I posed before the meeting time to get the creative minds started:

• Do I see Christ as ‘passionate’ (in general, towards me)?
• What ‘ill-treatment’ have I personally inflicted/am I inflicting (consciously or subconsciously) on Christ?
• Since Christ has the same capacity of feelings that we have – how does it feel to know that He not only sits with me – to the depths of my hurts and fears – He feels the same things I feel?
• Corrie ten Boom, while in a Nazi death camp wrote; “No matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still.” Do I allow Christ access into my ‘darkness’?

We focused more on textures and ink sprays.  People brought in stencils and other textures to stamp with (bubble wrap, burlap, etc).  And I attempted to make my own stencils and ink sprays.  Was fun pinterest-ing it up and figuring out how to DIY for the stencils and stamps.  The ink sprays literally are alcohol and food dye/acrylic paint.  The stencils I used a heat burning tool on transparencies – as you can see below:

This week – what I wanted to do and what actually happened on the page did not really match up.  But none-the-less – was fun to play around with the sprays and see the colors mix.

Art Journaling through Lent: Week 2 – Belief

Week 2 Theme:  BELIEF 

The reading we had for the night was found from the book – Bread and Wine: Readings for Lent and Easter – Belief is Seeing by Romano Guardini.

One of my favorite (and rather convicting) stories in the New Testament is found in Mark 9.  It’s the story of the mute boy that was possessed by an evil spirit.  After the disciples failed to heal the boy, the father asks Jesus – “IF you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”  Jesus quickly replies, “If you can?  Everything is possible for one who believes.”  Instantly the father cries out – “I do believe, help me to overcome my unbelief!

I really connect with the father’s exclamation.  I believe – but part of me is still hesitant.  Part of me is bracing myself for the worst.  And I know Jesus is gently asking me – You’re asking if I, Jesus, can do anything?

So, the challenge/prompt this week to reflect on – what areas do I believe, but need a little help in my unbelief?  What areas am I tempted to take the reins, because I don’t really believe He can and will do it?

I was reading this from Richard Rohr today  – “Faith is the leap into the water, that there is One who can and will catch you – and lead you where you need to go…As the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard wisely said, ‘Life must be lived forward, but it can only be understood backward.’”

Here are a few verses centered on belief to hopefully inspire ideas/imagery for journaling.

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.  – John 6:35

Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them. –  John 7:37

[Belief and Unbelief Among the Jews ] Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him. -John 12:37

I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness. – John 12:46

Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. – John 14:12

One of the paragraphs from the reading that night really struck me.From Guardini: Blessed indeed are “those who have not seen, and yet have learned to believe!” Those who ask for no miracles, demand nothing out of the ordinary, but who find God’s message in everyday life.  Those who require no compelling proofs, but who know that everything coming from God must remain in a certain ultimate suspense, so that faith may never cease to require daring.  Those who know that the heart is not overcome by faith, that there is no force or violence there, compelling belief by rigid certitudes.  What comes from God touches gently, comes quietly; does not disturb freedom; leads to quiet profound, peaceful resolve within the heart.  

Finding God in everyday life.  Seeing and acknowledging His blessings that happen daily.  His miracles that happen daily.  If I would just take the time to observe, give thanks, and look beyond my own selfishness, frustrations, or fears.

So for the art page that I created that night(with acrylics) – I focused on the passage “I believe, help my unbelief.”  I found a picture of a river, envisioning myself rafting down that river.  At the bend – I’m not sure if it would be able to see around the mountain – know exactly what’s next.  But that wouldn’t stop me from continuing forward.  Likewise, I may not know what God has next for me – but that shouldn’t stop me from believing that He has plans that are for my good.  I believe.

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Abba Father, thank you for this time set apart to be able to create and learn from You.  Help me to believe in areas of unbelief.  Help me to walk forward with You and trust the bends that life tends to throw my way.  I believe.  Amen.  

Art Journaling through Lent – Update #1 – A Process

So we’ve technically met twice – I’m a little behind.  I’ll admit, I was a little nervous for the first meeting.   For some reason I felt like I had to have it all together – I needed to know the ins and outs of all of art to be able to effectively lead and be able to help those that come feel empowered and enabled to create art.  But what I am finding, we all are figuring it out together – and it’s been a joy to see God show up – even when pages aren’t seeming to come out the way they were intended.

It’s about the process not the product. 

The process of colors blending.  The morphing of the page as certain things don’t seem to look the way they should.  A journal page could start with one thing in mind – and then end up completely different – through the process of creating and making art.  Much like life’s path – where I am today is not what I envisioned when I graduated from High School – yet I wouldn’t change a thing or take any aspect out – because the process of living has made me who I am today.  Ups and downs, highs and lows, blending of colors.

Back to the group time – The first week I had all the mediums out to use (acrylics, watercolors, pastels, markers, craft paper, ink sprays, stamps, etc.) and that seemed a little daunting to most.  Do I start with acrylics?  Do I just use watercolors?  What in the world am I going to do with this blank page in front of me?

So in efforts to help with the ‘too many options, don’t know where to start’ dilemma – we decided to focus on a certain medium each week – going through different tips and techniques that can be used.  And all of a sudden it was much  easier to know where to start.  Maybe not what to do when starting – but at least there was a starting point.  So week 2 was acrylics.  Week 3 will be creating blank art journal pages to be able to journal on throughout the week.  (instead of feeling the need to finish a ‘page’ at the end of our time together).

It’s been a fun experiment – and I’m excited to see what transpires over the next few weeks.

Art Journaling through Lent

I am a journaler – if that’s even a word. As an introvert – my internal dialog requires the physical action of writing before there is the verbal manifestation. I, literally, have a 30 gal storage container with all of my journals, dating back to when I was in High School. (Should I die, tragically, certain friends know to burn said journals).

It’s a way of processing through life. Sometimes reading what I’ve just written sheds new light and insights. And sometimes in the writing I come to know better what my feelings are.

But sometimes there just aren’t the right words to convey my internal dialog. And that’s where color comes in handy. I recently attended a class for art journaling – and a whole new world emerged before my own eyes. It should be noted – I am NOT a visual artist. Performing arts, yes, I dabble a bit. But visually – my artistic skills parallels that of an elementary or jr high student. And I’m being slightly generous with that assessment. But for the first time – through this art journaling class, I was given a platform where I could ‘say’ what I was able to say and leave the colors/images/textures to do the rest of the talking.

On top of being a ‘journaler’, I also have been in small groups since high school. I see the validity and importance of meeting with like-minded friends and digging deeper into His Word – while also being held accountable to work through areas in my life that needed working on. But lately – for some reason – that approach started to become formulaic to me. It became more of a thing I had to do, legalistic and regimented. So instead of feeling guilty because I wasn’t being a good ‘Christian’ and a part of a standard small group – I decided to try and combine art journaling and the small groups approach to see how that would work. And surprisingly, there are a few friends that wanted to try it out with me.   So, starting this week, I am attempting to facilitate an art journaling group centered around the season of Lent. Why, then, do I feel the need to document it online? Good question.

In searching online for such a group for any ideas and suggestions – I wasn’t able to find anything similar. In that search, basics and techniques for art journaling were plenty – but adding a spiritual, Lent, component seemed absent. Which is why I’ve decided to document this time of Lent and open it up for any suggestions as we go through this process. And in showing updates, maybe it can offer tips that we learn in the process if anyone else wants to try it out. This could be a total train-wreck. But here’s a great place to attempt walking through the wilderness…

So here begins my art journaling experiment for Lent. I’m hopeful and excited.

Week 1 – Art Journaling for Lent: Invitation: What needs to die in order to bring forth life?

When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it dies first.
1 Corinthians 15:36 (NLT)

The word dies used here in the Greek is apothnéskó.  This can be defined as: I am dying, am about to die, wither, decay. It focuses on the separation that goes with the “dying off (away from).

Quick science class refresher course: a typical seed has basically 2 parts – an embryo and a seed coat.  Cliff-notes version – the embryo gets its nutrients from the seed coat.  Through that process – something new is born and created.  But this only happens when the seed coat allows itself to be used and shed.

I feel like Lent is very similar. What things in my life need to be shed? What areas of my life – dreams, desires, wishes, wants, sin actually get in the way of His life, freedom, and joy? What parts of my life need to die to allow the fruits of the spirit (Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) to thrive.

So the invitation for this of week of Lent: Christ already did His part. He died and rose for us all. Through His death – we get the option to choose life with Him. But it isn’t forced or coerced. So what areas in my life need to die? What part of ‘me’ do I need to lay at the foot of the Cross? If I desire to live a life of freedom, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control – He invites us to shed all that could get in the way and follow Him.  What am I holding onto?

I recently heard someone comment on the fact that the duration of Lent is roughly 10% of the year.  So in a way, this can be a time of tithing my year to being open to what He has for me.

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As I seek to be open, this first week of Lent – Abba, Father, reveal to me what I need to give to You – and as I let go – allow my life to be transformed and renewed in the hope You offer. You know what is good and right. Help me to see and be open to what You would have to me this Lent season.

Liminality

Liminality. A word that I didn’t know existed until a couple months ago. A quick definition – a place in-between. A state of being when one has left what is familiar, known, and stable and in the process of moving towards something new and unknown. In essence…hope walking through the wilderness.

I had a sweet friend send me a paper on Liminality by Lori Taylor. The minute I started reading it, I wondered if she was reading my journal entries. Seriously. So applicable and similar to where I currently am in life.

It’s been such an eye-opening experience living in a new town and being in an in-between place. In this place, I find I’m able to see rather quickly and vividly what I turn to or who I turn to, when I don’t know where the heck I’m going or what I’m doing. When my identity is basically unknown, when I don’t have a job to ‘define’ me or a certain role in a community to establish me, it’s really hard to hold my head up and just be.

But what beautiful about this state of being – I’ve found the one thing I can turn to is my Savior. In the liminal space I’m in, I literally can’t be the answer to my questions of what’s next and it forces me to my knees, asking Him what’s next. It has caused me to hold EVERYTHING– hopes, dreams, desires – with an open hand, trusting that He is good and has good things for me.

 

Newsflash…I love hiking. Even though, after some hikes, my knees, toes, and legs scream out, it was all worth it for the beauty that I was able to be in the midst of. I tend to be a direct person, and getting to places, I’d rather just drive through and not stop. If there’s a destination set, let’s just get there and not, dilly-dally around. But on my latest hikes, I’ve had to force myself to stop just looking at the ground for what rocks might trip me up and look up at what amazing views I’m walking through.

Bare with me here. Peaks are defined by their surrounding valleys and valleys are only valleys if there’s a peak nearby. Right? There have been some amazing summits I’ve been able to hike to out here. But what’s interesting, as beautiful as the peaks are, a majority of the pictures from each hike I’ve been on are on the journey to the actual summit. I’m not really able to comprehend the height of the summit without the context of the valley I just came through. And often, the harder the valley, the better the payoff at the top. Almost a sense of pride to be able to look down and say I walked (or crawled) through that!

It’s in this in-between state I’m not in a valley. Nor am I on a peak. But I also don’t want to miss what’s in front of me because I’m set on moving forward. So 2 thoughts come out of this.

ONE – being away from a city I’ve been a part of, I find it much easier to see, with open eyes, the valley God brought me through. He provided amazing friends & family, co-workers, pastors & spiritual director that helped me walk forward when I didn’t have the strength or the wherewithal to do it on my own. I am made more aware, in this liminal space, His provision and His presence when things seems dismal and confusing. To say the least. I am so grateful and humbled.

TWO – There’s this American dream of having a set career or being married with 2.5 kids and a house with a picket fence. I have neither…but those can easily be my ‘destination’ or peak points. I’ve realized I often look down at my feet to make sure I don’t fail or fall and it’s really easy to miss out on what blessing are right in front of me. What if both “American Dream” goals aren’t peaks or destinations for me? What if marriage isn’t ‘in the cards’ for me? Or I’ll never really be able to find a career that uses all I’m good at? Did I fail or fall on this life hike?

It’s in the in-between place I’ve had to wrestle with those questions and try to find answers. It’s in the unknown, I’ve had to let go of what society defines as success and turn to God ask Him what is success in His eyes. And ultimately walking forward in the wilderness with Him, with open hands, and trust my future – dreams, desires, and goals – are ALL in His hands.

You make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence there is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

– Psalm 16:11

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Abba, Father – thank you for this season of being in-between. As hard as it is to be in the unknown – I will cling onto Your word and trust that when I delight in You – Your goodness – Your grace – Your truth – YOU WILL give me the desires of my heart. Thank you for Your patience as I stumble forward and help me to see when You lead me to Your path – the path of life. And may I be filled with joy in Your presence. Amen.

 

 

My absurd life

One of my recent attempts to go on a run, that then turned-into-hike (gonna still blame that on the altitude), I was wrestling with God about next steps. Shocking, I know. After barraging Him with a plethora of questions, I then decided to just be silent, instead of talking at God.

After a bit, I heard a faint, “There’s nothing for you in LA.”   Startled and wondering if I had just made that up, I continued just walking silently.

A little bit later I heard, faintly, “There’s nothing for you in Aspen.” Hurray! Finally an answer where to go. Kidding.

It continued, “There’s nothing for you in LA, Aspen, Nashville, Ohio, or any other place. However, there is something for you in Me. Establish yourself in Me. Find yourself, your identity in me, and where you are is where you should be.”

I’m great at playing ‘devil’s advocate’ in my head in life situations. Finding different angles to argue for or against. But this was a new angle I had not thought of and a peace washed over me. Almost like the peace that Paul talks of in Philippians 4:7 – “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Fast forward a few days, I’m reading out of Devotional Classics, in the Henri Nouwen chapter on prayer and solitude. He talks about moving from an absurd to an obedient life. The Latin word, surdus, apparently, is found in absurd, meaning deaf. Conversely, obedient comes from the Latin word, audire, which means listening. Nouwen talks about the need to have solitude as a spiritual discipline to make a “concentrated effort to create some inner and outer space in our lives, where this obedience can be practiced. Through a spiritual discipline we prevent the world from filling our lives to such an extent that there is no place left to listen.” To ultimately make it a goal to set aside times of solitude that allows a shift from ‘deafness’ to ‘obedience.’ Because when we’ve created space to sit in His presence, it is then we are better able to hear His voice, His guiding, His healing, and His teaching.

As an introvert, I love my alone time. Crave it. But usually it’s on my terms. It’s really hard to be still, to shut out the chaos of life – to then have the chaos of the inner life overwhelm me. Sometimes, it’s in the moments of solitude that busyness and distractions can no longer serve as a defense mechanism. It’s in those moments of stillness that fears, doubts, past hurts, and questions can no longer be pushed to the periphery and I’m challenged to meet them head on.

But there’s hope.

Nouwen continues,

“In solitude, we come to know the Spirit who has already been given to us. The pains and struggles we encounter in our solitude thus become the way to hope, because our hope is NOT based on something that will happen AFTER our sufferings are over, but on the real presence of God’s healing Spirit IN the midst of these sufferings…The discipline of solitude…is a simple, though not easy, way to free us from the slavery of our occupations and preoccupations and to begin to hear the voice that makes all things new.”

Freedom from the slavery of occupation and preoccupations to the make things new? Yes, please.

Honestly, it’s been a bit of a challenge and somewhat humbling living in a new place when I feel I’ve been called to a season of waiting and stillness.   I’ve always had “plan”, ever since I was little, for where I was going to go in life. Granted, I’m really glad some of those ‘plans’ didn’t pan out, but I still planned! I’ve found, being in a new community, there’s this immediate desire to try and ‘establish’ myself and my place. To actively show what I am capable of (or not J ). My ego eager to prove myself as someone worthy. I also find the need to defend (mainly to aforementioned ego) this season of stillness – defend it’s purpose and that it isn’t a waste of time.

I still have a long way to go when it comes to establishing myself in Him. My stubbornness and pride, for sure, slow that process. I still wonder why the past year happened, the way it did, and why I still feel like I’m limping in some areas of my life. But I’m so incredibly grateful for the truths I’m rediscovering in the questions. Thankful for a season seeking freedom from occupation and preoccupations. Thankful to have this time of life to listen and attempt to move my absurd life to a life of obedience. Because it’s that life that offers the hope that this world does not.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
– Romans 15:13

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Hesed

Surely goodness and lovingkindness (chesed) will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

This Hebrew word keeps showing up in different books, emails, and messages I’ve come across the past few weeks.  I’ve heard it before but never really focused on it.  But I had recently mentioned to a close friend one of the things I was sensing I needed to sit in and meditate on is God’s love – how it is or isn’t reflected in my approach towards Him.

I get the daily meditations from Richard Rohr.  Some of the meditations I wonder what drug he may have smoked while writing…but others seem to hit the nail on the head.  One of them recently stood out to me and talked of this hesed.  Rohr argues that life is always three steps forward and two steps back.  “Our job is to see where the three steps forward are heading (invariably toward mercy, forgiveness, inclusion, nonviolence, and trust) which then gives us the ability to both recognize and forgive the two steps backward (with are usually about vengeance, pettiness, law over grace, forms over substance, and requirements over relationship).”

I found comfort in not needing to despise the past or trying to push it aside – but embracing it as a series of steps that allowed me to eventually move forward.  I found solace in the fact that life isn’t a straight line forward.  That in my steps forward and backwards, His steadfast love (hesed), follows right along.

When trying to wrap my head around hesed – I found a plethora of definitions – but, ultimately, the majority consensus being that it could not fully be defined.  Which, of course, made me want to figure it out more.

It’s way easier for me to intellectually read about God’s love than it is to accept His love as is.  It’s rather painless (and less humbling) to set out ‘doing’ to please Him rather than embrace that all I ‘do’ doesn’t make Him love me more or less.  Because hesed can’t fully be defined in the English language – it has a few words attached to it.  Covenant loyalty, steadfast love, loving-kindness, tender mercies, faithfulness.  How amazing is it that those words are the essence of the God that loves us?

From what I could gather – hesed is not simply God’s attitude towards me – which is good, since attitudes are often mutable, fickle, and changing.  It represents His covenant loyalty with me – which means He will never let me go.  And by never letting me go, that includes His mercy, goodness, passion for righteousness, and loving-kindness.  This ‘passionate righteousness’ being felt either in my steps forward or backwards. Which is probably why it’s so hard to grasp the word.  In His steadfast love for me, He can’t let me go.  But in His insistent goodness, He can’t let me just be as is, because He loves me.

Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant,
    overlooking the sins of his special people?
You will not stay angry with your people forever,
    because you delight in showing unfailing love.
Once again you will have compassion on us.
    You will trample our sins under your feet
    and throw them into the depths of the ocean!
You will show us your faithfulness and unfailing love
    as you promised to our ancestors Abraham and Jacob long ago.
Micah 7:18-20

Still trying to grasp the word – absorb what I can.  But am grateful for the truths, grace, and hope it brings.

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